Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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