One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
