I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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