His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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