I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
