I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
