So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Terrible idea I love it
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
