Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
