kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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