Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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