please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So here I am, sexting at work.
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