my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She bit a glass in half.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
