I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Even my vagina gasped.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
