Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
