4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
