May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
