Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
