The maid of honor just puked.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
