even my farts smell like vagina
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
