it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
