if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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