is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
