someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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