'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
