I'm drive I can fine osifer
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
