guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
