I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
