How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
