All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
