Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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