You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
