Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
