remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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