oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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