my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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