Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
