It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
