my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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