just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
