Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
