he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
