I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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