He asked to "fluff my boner.."
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
