just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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