Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize