I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
