So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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