Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
