dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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