Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
