You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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