You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I wish my penis had an off switch
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
