i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
